Welcome to the Homeless Experience
Homeless community members-Colorado
What do you think it would it be like to be homeless…spending the day in the clothes you have slept in, perhaps not eating for 2 days, using a
rock for a pillow, fearing for your safety, …the list could go on. Many of us don’t have a clue. Many of us would not choose to experience homelessness personally. And yet homelessness is increasing in this wealthy country called America.
Who are the homeless? What are their stories?
If you have a personal story of being homeless, if you have a friend that is homeless, or if you just want to understand the homeless in a new way, join me. Let’s travel into a new community. I am sure we will have a lot to learn…let’s do it together!
Tina, her beginning to homelessness
As I begin this part of Tina’s story, I am reminded of how small my scope of homelessness is. How can I even imagine living a life that seems so far away? And yet I realize, it is circumstances and our inability to overcome them or change them that can put us into life situations we never imagined.
Tina had a whole bunch of life circumstances happen to her. Granted, as she got older, the choices she made remain hers. And yet I believe she truly did the best she could with the tools given to her. JFK (John Kennedy) said, ” A miseducated child is a child lost.” Tina had love in her life…she lacked other things needed to help her make decisions that were good for her.
When Tina’s dad died, he had life insurance which should have guaranteed a new start for Tina. All that money did was guarantee a stronger future in drugs. Unable to cope with the grief, she masked it. I think Tina said it best, “Drugs weren’t the problem, they were the solution to my pain.” But it was in the solution that the cycle continued, causing more pain, and more bad decisions.
Tina had an intrigue with the harshness, danger and thrill of the street life. Although she still had a home to go to, Tina spent more and more of her time with hardened felons and drug dealers. With the drugs dulling her ability to make good decisions, she one day found herself in another bad situation. One of these felons, wanted for rape and murder, jumped behind the wheel of the car she had inherited from her dad…a car that her dad often called his ‘pride & joy’, a car that was that last place she could still be part of his life, a car that gave her a sense of being connected to him. As this man began what started as a joy ride and ended as a police chase, he stole from Tina the little she had left. As he dumped her on the side of the road, stealing her car, she sat alone…he had not only stolen her car, he had also stolen her hope. At this crossroad, Tina would now surrender and give up… but on her terms.
Tina…a young woman experiencing death
Life for Tina seemed pretty good, taking care of dad and grandma and pretty much doing what she wanted to do, until…
Tina was riding her bike down a neighborhood sidewalk, doing life as usual, when out of no where a car jumped the curb and hit her head on. Tina was air-lifted to UC Davis Medical Center and trauma center. She had sustained severe head injuries. Her mother was called to come immediately, not knowing if her child was alive or dead, the fear of what might be haunted her. She arrived to find her daughter unconscious. Tina remained in that condition for 4 days. Miraculously, Tina survived the accident but with some scars and some disability.
After her rehabilitation, Tina was back at home with dad and grandma and now qualified for Social Security. She focused on taking care of her dad and grandma but there was always a draw for her to the ‘wild side’, the harsher side of life and the people who lived there.
Tina’s second brush with death came when her dad died. Her life spiraled. She began collecting friends from worst situations. When I asked Tina why befriending these people was so important to her she shared, “Their lives were so screwed up. After my dad died I lost myself in their hardships so I didn’t feel so bad.” “Were you homeless at this time?” “No” she answered. “I was still taking care of my grandma…I made sure she wanted for nothing.”
It was very important to Tina to care for her grandmother. She loved her and saw her more as a mother than grandma. As time went on, the inevitable occurred. The next death Tina experienced was her grandmother’s. Tina would go to the hospital everyday to care for her, often laying next to her, reading her bible to her. At 82 her grandmother died and Tina was left alone…alone to fend for herself.
Tina’s life continued to spiral. It is at this time that her decisions continued to become life-defining. It was at this time that Tina put herself in harm’s way on many occasions. It is at this time that her life on the streets was getting closer. There was one more event that put Tina over the edge….let’s meet back here tomorrow and I’ll share ‘the rest of the story.’
Tina, Her Story Begins…
Each of us have our story, made up of so many stories. Each story has a beginning and some have an end. Many more just stopped, no end, no completion, just lots of unanswered questions. You know those questions, “I wonder if I would have done_______ instead?” “What if I had never met him/her?” “Should I have _____?” After spending a few hours with Tina, I had many of the same questions for her. What an incredible story I heard. I am so excited about sharing it with you.
Tina was the only child of her father. After her parents’ divorce, Tina went to live with her dad and paternal grandmother in California, who was extremely important to her. Tina did not share anything too unusual about her life as a child in California. Many of us have come from divorced parents, many of us have been raised in a single parent household and for some of us a grandparent has been a major influence on our life. So what was different for Tina?
From the outside looking in, Tina seemed to have a fairly normal life. She always had lots of friends and was a natural leader. Tina played varsity softball in high school, completed her Associate Degree in Computer Science and at one time had her own landscaping business. So had did she ever find herself homeless? Let’s take a closer look….
As a young girl, alcohol and drugs were pretty common place. At the age of 11 Tina had her first joint. Her grandmother drank alcohol on a regular basis. With permissive guardians, Tina was pretty much able to do what she wanted, go where she liked and hang out with kids she wanted to. I guess for Tina, that combination began to pave the way to a long, hard road. Always resourceful and a hard worker, Tina had income to buy whatever she wanted. (Sometimes our greatest asset become our greatest liability.) Tina, being bright, and very competent, was able to keep herself in all the drugs she needed. But what caused the drug use to increase, to go beyond just ‘getting high’ at 11 to Meth at 16 to getting and staying high everyday at 23?
It is here life gets even more complicate for Tina. Sporadic visits with her mom proved to be OK for a little while and then she would head back to California, to a lifestyle that was becoming more and more familiar. Tina even joined the Navy for a period of time. Being drawn to hard work with a purpose, Tina got to bootcamp but did not finish. A positive drug test would eventually get Tina a one-way ticket home to California. Could things get any worse? Always…
But I guess you’ll have to grab another cup of coffee and check in tomorrow.
Homeless, a new friend
Last night I sat with a new friend and her mom. Her mom graciously opened her home as we sat with some great coffee and began hearing her daughter’s story. I love sitting around with a couple of women and I’ve had many of these kind of ‘coffees’. We would laugh, sometimes cry and often editorialize on any subject that would come up. Last night was a little different, and yet very much the same. There were some laughs, but mostly her mom and I listened. We listened as we heard her daughter share her answer to my question “How did you become homeless?”
This evening began a few weeks ago. I was still working with HELP International and I received a phone call from a dear friend, Ken John of Homeless Gear. He said he was sending in a volunteer to help gather items for his monthly distribution to the homeless. That day a young woman came in and went right to work. She never stopped moving as she gathered shoes, backpacks, sweatshirts, water bottles etc. It was hard to find her most of the time as she would be waist high in boxes and bags, hand picking each item with lots of care and lots of love. She was intent in doing whatever she could to collect just the right items. She was quiet as she worked. The only time she would say anything was when she would ask about items in her hands. “I know someone who needs a pair of shoes. He wears a size 13. They are really hard to find. May I give him these?” The compassion in her eyes, the intent in her voice…how could I say anything but “Yes, I hope he is blessed”. She smiled and went back to work.
As I watched her work and tenderly gather items for her friends who lived on the streets, I became curious. Who is this woman? What is her story? So I watched, I learned and looked forward to my next time with her. And so the friendship began.
I can’t wait to introduce you to her. I can’t wait to share her story. A story of survival, pain, fear and love. Tomorrow we will begin. Grab a cup of coffee, sit back and get ready to be engaged.
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